What does ‘integrity’ mean to you?

A common definition I hear used is:

Integrity is doing what you say you’re going to do.

While I love the simplicity of this definition, I think in practical terms integrity stands for something so much greater and more personal. 

Let’s dive into integrity as a fundamental component of self-confidence, and explore how it works in everyday life with constantly changing circumstances.

Firstly, integrity is for your own self-confidence. 

Actually, your self-confidence depends on it.

With every conversation you have in your head where you tell yourself that you are going to do something, one of two things will happen:   

Over time, the amount we believe ourselves, or believe in ourselves, is the product of building self trust and distrust through what we say and what we do.  The amount we trust ourselves underpins our self-confidence.  As self trust increases, so does self-confidence.  As self trust decreases (due to self distrust), so does self confidence.

The exciting part of this, is that we have a way of building self trust and self-confidence.

The more you keep the promises you make to yourself, the more self trust and self-confidence you build.  It’s that simple! And the more you believe in yourself, the more you’ll be able to achieve. 

Here’s an exercise to try:

Write a list of 3 things you would like to accomplish in your day. Keep it simple and choose actions that are important but easy.  Writing them down is crucial for self accountability.  Tick them off at the end of the day, and see how it feels to build self trust.

Secondly, the definition of integrity above doesn’t take into account a conscious change of choice.

We live in a fluid environment and we are constantly absorbing new information so changing your mind will happen.

How do you know you are making a conscious decision to change your action as oppose to getting distracted or off track? Let’s take a closer look:

 You have an intention to complete something today, and have received new information that means your action is either irrelevant or there’s a better option available to you.  Do your research and make your decision knowing all the relevant information.

Are there downsides to this new action? Are there new obstacles to deal with? What’s the additional advantage to it? 

Does all of this outweigh your original course of action? 

If the answer is yes, change your action and associated timeframes for completion.

There is  a way to stay in integrity when you change your mind.  You need to consider two things – effective communication and restoring trust.

In summary, integrity is fundamental in being able to trust yourself and those around you.  By bringing integrity back inside your head first, you can notice where you are letting yourself down and how often.  From here, you can work to restore your self trust and build self confidence.  And knowing that your world is constantly changing, it’s possible to make conscious decisions to change your plan and stay in integrity through effective communication and restoring others’ trust in you. 

Language is a powerful tool, in fact, as humans it’s our most powerful tool. 

Language is the foundation on which we build partnerships, families, communities, and countries.  In my coaching sessions I pay a lot of attention to the language of my clients.  It often gives hints about how they perceived their current situation, and what is stopping them from moving forward. Through language, I can ask about assumptions, limitations, and perceived obstacles or simply for more clarity. 

When I hear the word ‘should’, I wonder what is really going on for my client?  

‘Should’ implies that there is a right and a wrong action according to someone, or some higher authority, or some ethical guidelines?!  It implies that they are taking an action while resisting some part of it. 

Where is the client’s choice in the matter? 

If you hear yourself using the word ‘should’, ask yourself these questions:

I should ______.  According to who?

Why do I feel like I have to do ____ rather than I’m choosing to do _____?

Does doing this action serve me? How?

Are there drawbacks to taking this action?

Do I still want to do _____?

Uncover the real meaning behind your ‘should’.  Perhaps you are trying to satisfy the needs or expectations of others?  Or you don’t feel like doing the action, and know it will benefit you in the long run?  Is there a way to choose your action powerfully and let go of your resistance?

If the action is aligned to your values, morals, core beliefs, or goals – choose it powerfully and take responsbility!  Change your ‘should’ word to ‘will’ or ‘want to’ or ‘choose to’.

How is this year going for you so far?

Has the sense of renewed energy and purpose faded away since January or are you still full steam ahead towards your 2018 goals?

This article is for those of you that have slowed down, become stuck or didn’t really get going in the first place. We’re going to look at what is getting in the way, and how to move past it.

So how can you tell the difference?

So, how can you tell which obstacles are real and which are perceived?

Look for proof! Ask yourself these questions to see if your obstacles have substance to them.

Can you see the constraint physically?

Would it also be a constraint for anyone else?

Is the constraint linked to timing? 

Does the constraint apply 100% of the time?

If you answered no to the above questions, it is possible that you are being held back by a perceived constraint.  If you answered yes to some or all the questions, you may be dealing with a real constraint.  Let’s look at each of these in more detail and go through possible actions to overcoming them.

Steps to Overcome Perceived Obstacles

Steps to Overcome Real Obstacles