Integrity, What Does it Really Mean?

Integrity, What Does it Really Mean?

What does ‘integrity’ mean to you?

A common definition I hear used is:

Integrity is doing what you say you’re going to do.

While I love the simplicity of this definition, I think in practical terms integrity stands for something so much greater and more personal. 

Let’s dive into integrity as a fundamental component of self-confidence, and explore how it works in everyday life with constantly changing circumstances.

Firstly, integrity is for your own self-confidence. 

Actually, your self-confidence depends on it.

With every conversation you have in your head where you tell yourself that you are going to do something, one of two things will happen:   

=

You do what you said you would do.  This creates self trust.

=

You don’t do what you said you would do.  This creates self distrust.

Over time, the amount we believe ourselves, or believe in ourselves, is the product of building self trust and distrust through what we say and what we do.  The amount we trust ourselves underpins our self-confidence.  As self trust increases, so does self-confidence.  As self trust decreases (due to self distrust), so does self confidence.

Let’s look at some common examples of promises you might make to yourself:

9

Exercise

You say to yourself, “I want to get back into shape so tomorrow, I’ll go for a run.”  And the next day, you either go for your run (building self trust) or you don’t go for a run (building self distrust).  

9

Career

You say to yourself, “I’m unhappy at work, so I’ll start applying for other jobs as soon as I get home.”  You arrive home and either start applying for other jobs (building trust), or you spend time doing something else (building distrust). 

9

Relationships

You say to yourself, “I’m going to ask him(or her) out on a date next time I see him (or her).”  And the next time you see them, you either ask them out (building self trust) or chicken out (building self distrust). 

The exciting part of this, is that we have a way of building self trust and self-confidence.

The more you keep the promises you make to yourself, the more self trust and self-confidence you build.  It’s that simple! And the more you believe in yourself, the more you’ll be able to achieve. 

Here’s an exercise to try:

Write a list of 3 things you would like to accomplish in your day. Keep it simple and choose actions that are important but easy.  Writing them down is crucial for self accountability.  Tick them off at the end of the day, and see how it feels to build self trust.

Secondly, the definition of integrity above doesn’t take into account a conscious change of choice.

We live in a fluid environment and we are constantly absorbing new information so changing your mind will happen.

How do you know you are making a conscious decision to change your action as oppose to getting distracted or off track? Let’s take a closer look:

 You have an intention to complete something today, and have received new information that means your action is either irrelevant or there’s a better option available to you.  Do your research and make your decision knowing all the relevant information.

Are there downsides to this new action? Are there new obstacles to deal with? What’s the additional advantage to it? 

Does all of this outweigh your original course of action? 

If the answer is yes, change your action and associated timeframes for completion.

There is  a way to stay in integrity when you change your mind.  You need to consider two things – effective communication and restoring trust.

9

Effective Communication

Get in to contact with anyone that will be affected by your change of mind.  Who is expecting something different from you or counting on your intial course of action? Communicate with them about why your action has changed and what they can expect instead.  Be clear with new expectations and timeframes. 

9

Restoring Trust

Ask your affected network if they have any concerns about your change of action.  Are there other downfalls that you did not know about or expect.  Does your change of action impact them positively or negatively?  Work with them to resolve any resulting issues to restore trust.

In summary, integrity is fundamental in being able to trust yourself and those around you.  By bringing integrity back inside your head first, you can notice where you are letting yourself down and how often.  From here, you can work to restore your self trust and build self confidence.  And knowing that your world is constantly changing, it’s possible to make conscious decisions to change your plan and stay in integrity through effective communication and restoring others’ trust in you. 

Benefits of Personal Leadership Coaching

Benefits of Personal Leadership Coaching

What are the benefits of personal leadership coaching?

Personal leadership coaching works at a deep level on the client’s way of being.  Creating shifts at this level, changes the client’s approach and perspective to all situations, so the benefits are immense and long lasting.  The International Coaching Federation states improved self confidence, improved relationships, elevated communication skills, and improved work life balance as the most commonly experienced benefits by clients.  The work I’ve done with my clients has most often resulted in:

E

Finding Choice

By creating self awareness, clients can choose who they want to be in any situation, rather than reacting automatically.  This choice opens up possibilities for the client and empowers them.

E

Confidence & Motivation

By overcoming obstacles, making small shifts daily, and creating positive habits, my clients transform their lives.  They believe in their own abilities and continue to create the life they want.

E

Leadership Development

Building self integrity, self awareness, and accountability means that my clients are able to continue building their ideal life for years to come.  Developing personal leadership is also key to being able to lead others powerfully.

How do personal leadership coaching sessions work?

Personal leadership coaching sessions create a space for the client to choose the agenda, set the pace, and explore how you want to transform the client’s way of being.  The client drives the content of the session, while the coach is there to hold the process of working through the issue.  The coach’s role is to ask questions, share observations, and challenge assumptions.  

Who benefits from personal leadership coaching?

Personal leadership coaching may be for you, if you are ready to explore yourself in depth – your core beliefs, your motivators, and what really drives you.  Personal development coaching is great for clients looking to better understand how they show up in life, work and relationships.  My personal development coaching clients approach me with the following comments and concerns:

Recurring Obstacles

“I am trying to achieve the next step in my career, and I keep getting overlooked by my manager.  I need to better understand who I am being at work and what I am missing.  How can I develop myself to be ready for the progress I want for my career?”

Communication & relationships

“I am not communicating clearly in my personal / professional relationships.  This creates extra work and tension.  I feel like I do not get my point across and others don’t understand my perspective.  How can I communicate more effectively?”

Lacking confidence

“I don’t feel confident and second guess my decisions.  I know I have a lot to contribute, but in the moment I feel like what I have to say is not valuable or might be wrong.  I am holding myself back.  How do I build confidence and learn to speak up?”

Leading a team

“I don’t feel like I am effectively leading my team.  They don’t seem to listen to me or respect my decisions.  Sometime they do not complete the tasks I give them.  How can I change this and become a better manager/ leader for others?”

Sign up for life coaching

Interested in having me as your coach and developing your personal leadership capability?

Contact me here

Read more about coaching

Interested in reading more about the different kinds of coaching and what the sessions involve?

Head to the blog
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Changing Jobs

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Changing Jobs

Thinking of changing companies, jobs, or careers entirely? 

My life coaching clients are often looking to make a change to their jobs or their entire career path.  As a coach, it is really important for me dig into what my client is looking to change specifically.  By helping my clients get clear on what they like and don’t like about their current job, we can explore a wider range of possibilities going forward.  From there, they can make an informed decision for themselves.

Digging in to what’s working and what’s not

When I coach my clients on their career, I dig into what has held them back from creating something different in their current role.  The reason I explore this with them, is to challenge them to be personally responsible for their happiness at work now and in the future. 

Sometimes a conversation, a request, or sharing feedback is all that is required to improve a work situation.  As a coach, I support my clients in communicating openly with their managers and teams, and requesting what they need to feel happy and empowered in their jobs.   And other times, my clients have exhausted all options and are ready to move on.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help clarify what you want:

9

What is at the core of you wanting to make a change?

a lack of learning and development

  • a lack of opportunity to progress
  • dissatisfaction with your current manager or team
  • wanting to change industries or careers completely
  • increased salary expectations
9

What is holding you back from creating the change you'd like to see in your current job? Have you tried:

  • driving your own personal and professional development
  • requesting a promotion or gaining clarity on why not
  • bringing up your concerns with your manager and/or coworkers
  • getting involved in projects that are aligned to where you want your career to go
  • requesting a salary increase
    9

    Still ready to move on?

    • What type of work would you like to be doing more of?
    • What kind of new skills and experiences are you seeking?
    • What kind of manager would you like to work for?
    • What’s your ideal company or industry?
    • What would you like to leave behind?

      One additional aspect to consider, is how can you make the most of your current role while you secure your next role?

      Are there ways to make your remaining time more productive or enjoyable?  Perhaps you can request to enrol in training or an external course?  Perhaps there are connections you could build that would support your future career?  Or perhaps focusing on specific people that you enjoy working with will make the overall experience better.  

      All the best in creating work to be meaningful, satifying and fulfilling!

      Personal Responsibility and Your Career

      Personal Responsibility and Your Career

      Before you make a change to your career, job, or company, it’s crucial to understand personal responsibility.

      Personal responsbility is being the author of your own life.  It means being accountable for your actions, decisions, experiences and outcomes.   

      Being personally responsible at work, means taking action to address whatever issues come up for you.  It means, your job satisfaction is entirely in your hands.  By understanding personal responsibility at work, you won’t change jobs just to find yourself facing the same issues in the future.  

      What gets in the way of personal responsibility at work?

       

      Here are some common factors:

      =

      not drivingyour own personal and professional self development

      =

      being focused on issues rather than coming up with possible solutions

      =

      feeling disempowered, and playing the victim

      =

      choosing to be ‘nice’ to your managers and coworkers over being honest with them

      =

      fear of ruffling feathers or challenging the status quo

      =

      not understanding the company’s big picture and your value in achieving success

      How can you get back into the drivers seat at work?

      Here are some strategies to bring back personal responsibility to your job:

      A

      get curious – if you don’t understand something or have a different point of view, ask questions for clarification and understanding

      A

      listen to your managers and coworkers – quiet your mind and really listen to what they are saying, use questions to check for understanding

      A

      share your opinions with respect – let your colleagues know you want to find the best way forward, and you have concerns or other possible solutions

      A

      use face to face communication often, especially when you first start working with a team so you get to know one another as people and gain more context with intonation and body language

      A

      take a break daily – make sure you get up from your desk to move around or go for a walk at lunch to refresh

      A

      use the underlying assumption that everyone is doing their best – coming from this place enables communication and empowers others to live into that belief

      A

      let go – if there is a decision out of your control that you do not agree with; voice your concerns, respect the final decision, and let it go

      A

      don’t let your ego get involved – your ego will try to make you right and others wrong rather than using teamwork to find the best way forward

      A

      drive your own develop – ask for more responsbility, a new project, or to enrol in a course

      A

      use your annual leave – longer breaks where you can totally switch off from work are essential for your mental and emotional wellbeing

      When you understand how to be more personally responsible at work, you choose your own happiness. 

      Sometimes implementing the strategies above will enable you to fall in love with your current job, and other times it highlights the need to move on.  Either way, you are back in control and you create your experiences now and in the future.

      Transformational Life Coaching

      Transformational Life Coaching

      What is Transformational Life Coaching?

      Transformational life coaching is a wholistic approach to life coaching.  Together, we explore various aspects of your life where you want to make a change.  By exploring a macro view of your life, we can understand how each life dimension impacts and connects to other areas.  Our lives are complex and interconnected with our environments and other people around us.

      The sessions may entail some or all of the following exercises and strategies:

      E

      Creating a personal mission & vision

      E

      Writing short term & long term goals

      E

      Determining your core values

      E

      Developing personal leadership

      E

      Understanding your motivators

      E

      Identifying your perceived obstacles

      What are the benefits of transformational life coaching?

      There are numerous benefits to transformational life coaching, which are relative to how much the client wants to shift their life and what they want to create.  The International Coaching Federation states improved self confidence, improved relationships, elevated communication skills, and improved work life balance as the most commonly experienced benefits by clients.  The work I’ve done with my clients has most often resulted in:

      Z

      Direction & Purpose

      Gaining clarity on a vision for their future life, which helped my clients find direction and make decisions now.

      Z

      Leverage of Skills & Time

      Understanding what is working in their lives and why, so they could apply their skills to create shifts in other areas of their lives.

      Z

      Confidence & Motivation

      Overcoming obstacles, making small shifts daily, and creating positive habits to transform their life and perspective.

      Ask me a question

      Contact me here

      Coaching Programs

      Over to coaching programs
      One Word to Eradicate From Your Vocabulary

      One Word to Eradicate From Your Vocabulary

      Language is a powerful tool, in fact, as humans it’s our most powerful tool. 

      Language is the foundation on which we build partnerships, families, communities, and countries.  In my coaching sessions I pay a lot of attention to the language of my clients.  It often gives hints about how they perceived their current situation, and what is stopping them from moving forward. Through language, I can ask about assumptions, limitations, and perceived obstacles or simply for more clarity. 

      the ‘should’ word

      There is one word that jumps out to me in coaching sessions as well as everyday conversations that is never helpful – the word ‘should’.  For example:

      I should be making more money

      I should eat healthy.

      I should attend the event.

      When I hear the word ‘should’, I wonder what is really going on for my client?  

      ‘Should’ implies that there is a right and a wrong action according to someone, or some higher authority, or some ethical guidelines?!  It implies that they are taking an action while resisting some part of it. 

      Where is the client’s choice in the matter? 

      If you hear yourself using the word ‘should’, ask yourself these questions:

      I should ______.  According to who?

      Why do I feel like I have to do ____ rather than I’m choosing to do _____?

      Does doing this action serve me? How?

      Are there drawbacks to taking this action?

      Do I still want to do _____?

      Uncover the real meaning behind your ‘should’.  Perhaps you are trying to satisfy the needs or expectations of others?  Or you don’t feel like doing the action, and know it will benefit you in the long run?  Is there a way to choose your action powerfully and let go of your resistance?

      If the action is aligned to your values, morals, core beliefs, or goals – choose it powerfully and take responsbility!  Change your ‘should’ word to ‘will’ or ‘want to’ or ‘choose to’.